Not long before I emigrated to America in 2006 at age 19, I randomly met a lady who claimed to be a fortune teller (psychic). She had no way of knowing who I was or anything about me. I wasn’t getting a reading; we were just chatting. She asked me if I was planning to move abroad soon, to which I answered yes. She said, "The state’s right." Surprised, I answered "Yes"—she said "East coast or west coast?" "West Coast," I said. Keep in mind that I’m very skeptical of things like this.
She continued, telling me things she could not have known, such as that I was going to do music. I remember checking myself to see if any of my music tattoos were revealed, but I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt. There were a couple of things she told me that really stuck with me, and today they have become more relevant as I think about them…
She went on to tell me I would do very well in America, but not without a series of unfortunate "snares and traps" along the way. I remember her quoting the title of The Beatles’ song "The Long and Winding Road," which my 17 years here truly have been. That’s not to say many amazing things haven’t happened as well.
I remember her telling me that I would be better suited to the East Coast. Over the years, I have had many trips to New York for sporting events such as boxing or UFC fights and always had some sort of random or magical experience there. Many Californians would tell me how they hated the East Coast and the people there, but I have made many great friends from the East Coast. In fact, many of the first friends I made in LA, whom I am still friends with to this day, are from the East Coast. The fortune teller also told me to be wary of the friends I keep.
Speaking of friends, the whole reason for this post, I want to share a story about how I made a major business fumble by going into business with so-called friends. I didn't just go into business with them; I financed them and their families' futures. These are friends who shared the same dream as I did, kindred spirits, if you will. The dream? Building and owning a state-of-the-art recording facility.
Enter Playback LA
The deal we had was simple: three partners, equal share. 33% each. The business was bootstrapped, and how it came together was basically as follows:
I put every dollar I had into it—my savings and every dime that came in from my car rental business at the time—which was still relevantly new—along with all the equipment and materials from my home studio. Partner 2 (let’s call them by numbers for now) invested all the equipment he had from his previous studio into it, which, to be fair, was a significant amount of high-end audio equipment. And Partner 3, who is the most problematic of the two, invested some sweat equity. Another huge contributing factor to making this business a reality was a very good friend of mine—who is a contractor—working on a tab for months and months on end in good faith and as a favor to me. A great guy for whom I am forever grateful.
I appreciate sweat equity. When I first came to America, I worked as an intern for a year and a half, unpaid. But when sweat equity is all you have to offer for someone to invest their last dollar in your dream, you better not complain about it. To be completely transparent in the very beginning, we all did equally contribute to the first and last months’ rent, along with the security deposit, to get the lease signed. But after this, the only one contributing financially was me. Every part of the initial build-out was either paid by me in cash or on my own corporate credit card, to which a large balance is still due because of this studio...
Partner 3, whom I had known for about 14 years, sought me out while I was working with Atlantic Records. We first met in college when I first came to America. After that, we would see each other at industry conventions and networking events. In fact, at one of the first events we attended together after not seeing each other for years, he stayed at my house for convenience instead of driving home and returning the following day. A habit that repeated itself every Monday to Friday after we started our business for almost a year. Rent free.
Back in 2017, while I was still working with Atlantic Records, Partner 3 contacted me and informed me that he had an artist. He asked if I could present this artist to Atlantic, which I did. I managed to arrange some writing sessions for the artist at Atlantic. I then personally started to manage this artist and helped set up a base for the entire team in LA. We all started working together, and I was setting up gigs and relationships for the artist and doing my best to establish his presence both in LA and as an artist in general. What’s funny is that today, if you check said artist's metrics, his main fan base is based in my hometown of Bray, Ireland, where he has been twice. But more on that artist later; that requires an article of its own.
After explaining to me, that the previous studio in Santa Barbara closed down—completely omitting the actual reasons as to why—he asked if I would be interested in partnering with them to find and open a new studio in Los Angeles. My natural reaction was, "Absolutely." It was a dream of mine to own a commercial facility I could open up to local and touring talent while developing my own artists. I had many questions, and for every question I had, he had a very convincing answer. One thing I have learned to be wary of in business is overconfidence. It can be a sign of an inflated ego, and those with inflated egos are almost impossible to do business with, at least in partnership. They fail to see reality outside their own heads. I learned this very quickly with Partner 3 after only a month or two in business.
Before I go any further, I want to mention that I take full accountability for my own shortcomings, and this blog will highlight many of my mistakes—and more importantly, the lessons learned from them—in my personal life and in business. I am a pretty open person, but this is a different level of openness for me. I’ve made many mistakes on my journey, and I firmly believe there is a lesson in every mistake. But when it comes to this particular situation I am discussing, none of my mistakes were a hangable offense. Instead, I became the weak link in a partnership where greed and pride were already ruining what could've been a very successful venture.
Only weeks before, I left to get help and treatment for my issues, myself and Partner 3 were in the car on our way to get some food. Partner 3 randomly mentioned that he thought we should consider getting Partner 2 out. You see, Partner 2 didn’t live in the state, and he wasn't around much. When he did come around, the others complained that he was an inconvenience. But as I mentioned above, his investment of equipment was significant, and the business could not operate without it. It was a grandiose statement coming from him, knowing we did not have the funds to buy this partner out at this stage, but that did not seem to matter; he "would figure it out," a statement he made too often when it came to financial matters that never materialized.
A few weeks later, as my personal situation worsened and I was going downhill fast, I told Partner 3 I was going to get professional help. He alluded to supporting it. He told me and my ex-wife that I should take as long as I need to get better, and they will be here when I get back holding down the business. Little did I know I was creating the perfect opportunity for him to take the steps of removing one partner from the business, as he had previously suggested. And now that partner was me.
I went off on a personal mission of self-discovery to the jungles of Costa Rica to find myself and clear my head. I was in the darkest place I had ever been. Mentally, I was worn out. There was a lot going on outside of business that I had no control over, and I was using drugs and alcohol to block out the pain—something I had not really done before. I will go into more detail on all of this in the following posts. I know a lot of people had similar situations during that time with COVID, etc. Personally, I don’t blame COVID for any of my problems, but it just so happened to be around the same time.
Return to Zero
Upon my return, I knew things may be a little different or awkward, but I did not for one second think I would be just blocked out of my own business. After all, I was the primary financial investor, and every dollar I had and all my equipment and materials were there. Legally, I was and still am a leaseholder on the building, but instead of being stubborn and going in to work anyway, I tried to negotiate things in a civil and amicable manner. Another mistake on my behalf. It took Partner 3, the best part of a year, to actually meet me for a coffee and sit down and discuss the matter at hand. Before that, he kept buying time with vague answers or little or no communication. That level of disrespect alone really bothered me. This was a guy who had keys to my house and lived there Monday through Friday for months prior to this. He would stay, drink alcohol from my bar, eat my food, and wipe his ass with my satin-quilted toilet paper(I joke but it was the good stuff!)—all great conveniences for him that saved him a two-hour commute home every night. Not only did he delay meeting me and barely communicate with me, but he didn’t even have the common decency to furnish me with a formal letter or email asking me to leave the partnership or why. That, along with a solid plan of repayment, would've saved us all a lot of hassle.
Understandably, during this time, my personal issues were stressful for them. I don’t discount that. I never brought my issues inside the studio, I even avoided drinking there when they would all be partying. Instead, after I would go to a hotel room alone drinking myself into oblivion. But at the time I considered these guys my closest friends, and calling them and texting them at late hours and telling them I was suicidal probably was a lot to process. It was a cry for help, really. It came close; I ended up in the hospital a couple of times from overdoing it. There were days and sometimes weeks of no sleep. I was a mess as a result of compounding stressors in almost every area of my life. And I sought help from the wrong people.
I personally could never turn my back on someone—not even a stranger—if they were going through something like that. I didn’t have to experience it to feel that way. That’s just who I am. So for me to come back after being away healing and for them to remove me from the business I was an integral part of starting, financially and otherwise, was, in my opinion, one of the coldest things anyone could do. It could've pushed me right back into the hole I just got out of. If it had been the other way around, I would've been there with open arms, congratulating them for pushing through. Sure, maybe later there would've needed to be a conversation about this not happening again, and if it did, we would need to figure out a different arrangement. That would have been understandable.
I get that business is business. But illegally ousting the primary investor from the business, the one who came through for you when nobody else would. That is low in my opinion. No matter what they have going on. Let alone someone who is supposed to be a friend. But now I question that friendship—were we ever friends? Had I written this a few months ago, it probably would have been a complete anti-doing business with friends post. But I have had time to think...
Removing the Rose-Tinted Glasses
These "friends" and business partners have never actually done a single thing for me. From day one, it was take, take, and take some more. From staying at my house to go to a local event, to having me bring the artist into Atlantic Records, to helping the artist build a career with no compensation, to funding the studio out of my pocket and opening up my own professional network to them, in all that time, I only asked Partner 3 for one thing, ever. I can genuinely say I never asked him or any of them for anything else. I asked him if he could mix a record for me. His answer was that he was busy and would try. It never got done.
After that, I noticed how they disrespected a lot of my clients, making them wait to complete mixes—one client waited over a year for her project to be delivered—and talking sh*t about them after they left or before they arrived. These clients were paying the bills. In the early days when we first opened and we didn’t always make rent, I had some of my clients pay upfront at a discount for X amount of studio time so that we knew at the very least we would have this much covered. They constantly complained about these clients, too. Partner 3 had multiple clients he would bring in from day one and get paid for the work he was doing without charging them studio time. We could've complained about that, but we didn’t.
The worst part about all of this for me was that I had come back more motivated than ever. Ready to make music. Because I had been busy building and maintaining these new companies, I had no time to actually do what I love most: make music. During that time, I wrote a ton of lyrics but no actual music. In the meantime, they were paying the minimum amount due on the credit card, and with the interest that accrued, the balance was not going anywhere. Then, for a period of three months, they stopped paying. I went to the studio to get some stuff and let them know I wasn’t going anywhere, so they began paying the absolute minimum again for a period of time.
A huge part of the problem is Partner 3’s failure to communicate. He does not respond to anything when he is wrong. He hates being wrong. Remember inflated egos? The one thing is that when we did communicate, either myself and him or myself and Partner 2, they never denied owing me and just kept giving me some fluff to keep me on ice, telling me they would figure it out. But then, at the same time, suggested some absurd things, like for me to sell my own stuff to cover their bills. I am not joking. A lot of my personal stuff I got back from them was damaged, missing pieces, etc. More disrespect.
Recently, I sent an email, one of many I have sent so far in my attempt to negotiate a fair end to the business. In the email, I gave them an ultimatum and then waited to see if they would continue to pay the minimum payment they were making again. But as I expected, they did not. So I cut off the phone and internet at the studio, which was another thing in my name. I also cut them off the Playback Instagram. All I was looking for was a phone call to discuss a solid plan of repayment. I had enough of the fluff.
If you came here from the statement I released on social media, I felt it was important for my colleagues, clients, staff, and interns to know more of the story. Not only were a lot of the initial staff and interns in Playback from my network, but most of the initial clients were also mine. And some are still clients and have no idea why or what has happened. If anyone has more questions as to the particulars, I am happy to provide a link to a live notion page I have set up with receipts, screenshots of emails, and texts. My accountant, bookkeeper, and attorney also have records of everything.
Mental Health
I’ve barely scratched the surface here, and I don’t want this to be just a long negative rant, but I felt it important to share this part of the story. Before I suffered with my own mental health, I was an advocate for mental health support. I have lost many loved ones to suicide, addiction, and bad choices. I believe we should be able to approach our friends and colleagues for help in dark times. There will always be those who don’t understand it, and we can forgive them for that. Others may be selfish, but the more it’s talked about, the more people may understand.
It is an unfortunate truth that with mental illness, you will lose things, such as a business if you can’t keep your arms around it, friends, people, etc. But the one good thing at times like this is that the "friends" you do lose are the ones you didn’t need to begin with. They were not real. A real friend, in my opinion, does not turn their back on anyone when they are down. I understand there is only so much one can do to help, and you may need to let people figure things out on their own. But in my case with these people and this business, my issues were short-lived. Even though it took some time, I got proactive about fixing myself and pulling myself up. And here I am now, rebuilding my life and my business ventures.
I was blessed that I did have some amazing, real friends who were there for me through it all. People used to always ask me, "How do you live in LA?" "It's so superficial and fake." And I would always tell them I was blessed from day one to find a solid friend group. I did, but now I can say I’ve had the full “LA experience”, and I had some fake friends all along, too. I just didn’t know it.
This business, as it was coming together, was my personal greatest achievement at the time. It then became my greatest failure. I share this story with you in the hopes that you learn from my mistakes and avoid falling victim to something similar. It was not easy for me to share this story, and writing it was painful. But I hope to shed some light on the nature and ruthlessness that can exist in business, even with people you may consider friends. If you do happen to be in a business partnership and need a break for your mental health, you should, of course, take it, but maybe consider your reasoning with your partners. Most people with half a soul should understand but don’t risk your position if you don't have to. Even when there is a legal structure in place, it can still get very tricky. I personally encourage and practice clean business at all times. After a long time trying to negotiate a fair conclusion to the business and exercising my best efforts in patience and peace, which unfortunately fell on deaf ears, here I am now writing about it. To quote Jay-Z, "You can’t heal what you don’t reveal." Now, we just let the lawyers get rich and enjoy the ride.
Never Give Up
I had to write this for a number of reasons. One, I was tired of repeating this story over and over. Two, I feel it’s important that the clients, specifically my clients and colleagues working out of there, know the kind of people they are doing business with, and lastly, I felt the lessons within this story were too valuable not to share. I hope you have gained something from reading this.
In the next few articles, I am going to share the series of events that led up to this, how I could've avoided it, and what I am doing to prevent anything similar from happening again. It's been a mad journey thus far, and another reason I like to write is to remember.
Apart from being busy as a new dad right now to an amazing little boy (a whole new world of life lessons) and continuously working on myself, I am also working on some exciting new ventures and ideas. Some of which I will be sharing in the very near future. It's easy to feel like giving up when it feels like your life's work has been taken from you. But ultimately, it's up to you to determine if that is just the beginning of a better next chapter. I know for sure I won't make the same mistakes again that led to the story above. And now I am more prepared than ever for the new business ventures I am working on.
It has been a tough pill to swallow: funding a business that was the catalyst for multiple people’s careers and, potentially, the demise of my own. Life is like a jungle; and some people, once they get the slightest whiff of weakness, will take advantage. I heard through the grapevine that it was said that, hopefully, I would disappear. All I can say to that is that my old partners there severely underestimated the resilience, determination, and persistence of an Irish man.
Every adversity, every failure, every heartbreak, carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit. ~ Napoleon Hill
My Key Takeaways from this Life Lesson:
Be frugal with trust & generosity in business, even with friends.
Don’t have your business partner staying at your house, keep your personal life separate.
Even with friends, contracts, and paperwork should be airtight. And signed before anything else.
Be cautious of the overly confident. While confidence in anything is important, reality is just as important. There is almost always a “what if” in business. Be prepared for it. Don’t confuse inflated egos with confidence.
Those who turn their back on you in dark times were not real friends to begin with.
Research other’s past business endeavors thoroughly.
Take a mental break when needed. Be careful how and to whom you disclose your reasoning to.
Those with the least to offer, have the most to gain.
I remember that 19 year old that came to America with just the clothes off his back and a big dream. I remember him well.
As hard as it is to fight right now to regain your dream, please don’t give up and just take it as a good lesson learnt. My grandad always said going into business with friends is a no no. He was also in the music business and said that was his toughest business.
Life has a strange way of sending us lessons. Although it’s hard, they seem lead us in the right direction eventually. Sometimes loosing everything is just life’s way of saying we were on the wrong path. Cory and I are building our lives up again but I would t change it for the world.
I think becoming a parent makes you see things differently.
Stay strong and it might sound weird, I’m interested in hearing the next chapter you have coming out.
Love you xxx
Dean your an inspiration to so many you've helped many others over the years it's now time to be kind to yourself and build what you know you can my dear friend 😊 thank you for sharing so very brave and admiral of you